Heard it Through the Grapevine

Howdy howdy howdy! An appropriate greeting for the month of October, as it was also a name given to the antagonist/demon from 'The Exorcist' - Captain Howdy. How do I know such things? Have you seen my dad's horror movie collection? Other kids will grow up watching Dora and Yo Gabba Gabba; I'll grow up with Bruce Campbell and George Romero as my role models. Hail to the Queen, baby!

Anyway, on to the pressing matter at hand. Pictures. I have heard through the grapevine that there was an uproar amongst my readership over the lack of pictures in my last blog entry. I check my comments regularly and saw no complaints, so I thought that a) nobody was reading the blog anyway (which is still okay, as I do this mostly as a sort of diary for myself), or b) everyone reading was satisfied with my posts. I was quite surprised, therefore, to hear of the umbrage given to my last post with the single picture of me (all snug in my carseat). I whole-heartedly apologize. I had been using the blog to keep tabs on all the latest goings-on involving yours truly. I have now learned that, as Andre 3000 so eloquently phrased in 'Hey Ya', "Ya'll don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance." Except in this case, ya'll just want pictures of my adorable mug (Dad inserted the word 'adorable', I'm not that vain). So, as a peace-offering, I extend the olive branch of pictures your way. But first, a quick update of the latest goings-on (this is where you can skip down to get to the picture pages treasure trove).

I have recently discovered a new game I call "Messin' around with Parents" (presented by Jack Link's). The way the game works is one day I will sleep all day long. Mom will try to wake me up for some tummy time, and I'll maybe open one eye, Thom Yorke style, and then drift back off to dreamland. Then, that night, I'll switch it up and wake up every hour or so (or maybe every 2 hours, but just stay awake for 45 minutes after that). Basically, I'll vamp things up - sleep all day, stay wide awake all night. Now, because Mom and Dad like to do things the opposite, this really messes with them. Then, and this is where it gets good, the next day I will stay up all day long, with the occasional short nap, and sleep for 3-4 hours at a time that night. Mom and Dad will then be all, "Wowwee zowwee! I think she's getting it - good girl Azja!" Then, and I think you know where this is going, I'll switch it back again the next day! Oh man does that mess with Mom and Dad! The only problem with this game is that it actually wears me out. Eventually I'll probably get so worn out from this game that I'll just pick one mode of operation and stick with it. For now, though, what fun I am having. When I'm awake, I sometimes hear Mom and Dad talk about how cute it is when I smile in my sleep. Guess what I'm dreaming about? "Messin' around with Parents" : ) As Bugs Bunny often said, "Ain't I a stinker?"

Another thing I've been working on is something called 'dancing'. When I discovered this I was immediately blown away by the sheer beauty and simplicity. What you do is take the music that is playing in the room and channel it through your body. You become like a music lightning-rod and just let it flow through you. The resulting effect is shear bliss. You feel the beat from your head to your toes and just move with it. It takes listening to music to the next level - you actually become part of the music. I'm starting to think that's kind of what happens in church. They call it prayer, but I think it might actually be like becoming part of the music, only in that case the music is the something not heard with the ears but felt in a different way. They should call dancing 'praying to the beat'. Anyway, I've started to test this thing out lately, and I really dig it (do people still say dig? or is it now Digg?). I'm a fan of Rihanna and Walter Meego for dancing. For pure music enjoyment I like Poe a lot, but I now realize there are two different reasons to listen to music. Luckily, Mom and Dad like music a lot, so I always have a lot of different kinds of music surrounding me. Who knows, maybe in the coming months and years I may discover even more reasons for listening to music. Edgar Allan Poe speaks of the 'music of the spheres' in his "Conquerer Worm", so there are definitely other aspects out there to be discovered. But for now, there is dancing.

Also, the other thing I've been testing out lately is standing. I know it sounds easy for all of you locomotively skilled bipeds who can not only stand, but also walk, run, jump, hop, skip, and even cartwheel. But since I was born, I've only known how to lie on my back, belly, and side. I can now hold my head up on my own, and if I push my feet against something I can propel myself forward. But standing is something else entirely. It works my leg muscles in a brand new way. I first discovered it when Dad was holding me up to dance. He let go of my sides and just held my hands. Lo and behold, I was still vertical! Granted, my balance is best described as inebriated, and my leg strength gives out after a few seconds or so. But as long as someone has my hands to help me balance, I'm up there! Then I'm back down again, almost in slow motion. I know we have to learn to crawl before we learn to walk, but I beg the question: do we? Actually, once I finally figure out this crawling thing, I'll probably forget about the standing thing altogether for a while. But a girl can dream, right? Hehehe - sorry, just thought about "Messin' around with Parents". Which reminds me - I'm also smiling a lot more these days. It's almost to the point where Mom and Dad can make me smile on command. Almost. I'm strong-willed. Within a few more posts, you'll probably see all smiling pictures! Won't that be fantabulous?! And speaking of pictures, the cache I promised lies just below.

Tune in next post when I get to tell you about how the Halloween party went. There will be pictures of Mom, Dad, and I in our costumes (yay!), as well as some pictures from the party. DJ Dadbro has been practicing a lot, and I think he's ready. I hope that he doesn't stop playing music for us after the party, though. Maybe I can convince him to make some new setlists just for me. If I could combine a Dadbro setlist with one of Mom's awesome massages, I think I might be able to find heaven on earth. Oh - that's a good one for the setlist, Dad! Do you have any Belinda Carlisle?


Sincerely,
Azja Kathleen, Dancing Queen

Halloween Prep

Hey folks. Azja again. It has been a little while. Were you wondering how the road trip back went? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. First of all, yes we once again drove straight through. And secondly, 29 1/2 hours this time, 30 minutes more than last time (we took the long way out of Oklahoma and hit some traffic in the Tulsa area). Now that your main questions have been answered you may be wondering how we were able to once again drive 29 hours straight through. I'm actually wondering that myself. I couldn't seem to stay awake for more than 20 minutes once we would get on the road. I don't know if it is the vibration or my comfy car seat or the fact that I'm staring backwards and can only see Mom and Dad through a mirror, but something about car travel makes me sleepy. I guess that worked out for all of us. The story is that Dad was just really excited about getting home and being able to have Sunday to unwind. So we hit the road Friday afternoon and drove and drove and stopped for an Azja and Eddy the Dog break and drove and drove and stopped for an Azja and Eddy the Dog break and drove and drove....you get the idea. Dad loaded up on the driving and let Mom get some much deserved rest. He got to feel a little of that crazy determination that allowed Grandpa Vogt to drive the entire way by himself several years ago. He said the couch was calling. I think he may have also been excited about playing with his records, as he has been doing a lot of that since we got home.

One thing we have all been doing a lot of is sneezing a coughing. We brought back several things from Oklahoma: gifts I received from friends and family, music Uncle Greg lended us (I'm obligated by the recording industry to say we are only borrowing it), a six-pack of Fat Tire, and colds. Yes, colds for everyone. Up until this point I thought the worst things you could experience in life were dehydration, gas, hunger, and a dirty diaper. Currently the cold has topped my list. I'm not a fan. My nose is always blocking up with stuff that Mom and Dad have to suck out with a little blue bulb. I wish I could just blow it all out, but I don't have that much control yet. I get so jealous when Mom and Dad blow their noses in front of me - show-offs. So between cleanings I have to pant and sniffle, and it is ridiculously difficult to get good sleep. I guess the one thing I can be thankful for is that I don't have a sore throat or sore ears like Mom and Dad keep getting. And my cough is definitely not as bad as theirs. Especially Dad. Some of his coughing fits sound like the Big Bad Wolf blowing a house in. I just can't wait to get past this cold so we can go back to the normal routine - 4 hours of sleep in a row. I think Mom and Dad are actually more excited about that than I am. I could lie awake staring at them (and ceiling fans and corners of the ceiling where Mom and Dad are convinced I'm seeing ghosts or something, as I smile and follow invisible things with my eyes) for hours, but they seem to have things to do during the day that don't allow for constant napping. Anyway, the point is if you have a chance to catch one of these colds - don't. They aren't fun. It's not like catching a movie or catching a football. Both of those things are considered fun. Catching a cold is the opposite of that. You'll be smiling and happy, and then you catch the cold and immediately start frowning and (in my case) crying. I'd much rather catch a movie, even something as bad as 'Happy Feet' or 'The Talented Mr. Ripley'. Actually, I'd rather have a cold than watch 'The Talented Mr. Ripley'.

So I'm pretty excited about this Halloween thing coming up. We went down to Reading this last weekend to help Jay and Hallie decorate for the big party at the end of the month. Dad and Jay worked on putting up black plastic everywhere (if you want to see a good example of the black plastic they used, check out the attached pictures of Dad's office - he covered the walls with the stuff - he really goes all-out with the office Halloween decorations). Mom and Hallie decorated the dining and living areas. I did my usual - sleep, cry, eat, and other. I also tried to talk some. This is a new thing I've been doing since around the time of the Oklahoma trip. I open my mouth and make sounds other than crying. I try to make my sounds similar to the sounds Mom and Dad and other people make, but I find it difficult to add structure to the sound. Eventually I'll be able to form what Mom and Dad refer to as 'words', which are sounds that mean something. For now, Mom and Dad are entertained enough just by my occassional non-cry outburst of sound. Anyway, when they finished putting up the decorations Dad walked me around the house to show me, and I was pretty impressed. This was another level beyond ceiling-fan impressive. I can't wait for this party. Mom says I will have a costume to wear. A costume! Wow! I honestly don't know what that means, but I'm stoked about it nonetheless.

As I said before, Dad is DJ-ing the party as DJ Hazbro (or DJ Hasbro - the 's' is for his kid-friendly part of the set, although I've heard his sets, and I don't think a kid-friendly part exists). So he has been practicing a lot lately on his turntables. He continues to improve, and I think by the time the party comes around he will be one with the vinyl, to put it in Zen terms. I'm still in love with his 'Bat for Lashes' mix, but he has a few other mixes that are really starting to shine. But don't take my word for it, just ask his mixer power ninja.

TTFN,
Azja

Pool Pyre

Hey there,

Since I'm awake about 20 hours of the day now anyway, I might as well update everyone with the latest events. A lot has happened since my last post. Every time Mom and Dad visit Oklahoma they stay very busy. This time was no exception. The first part of our trip was spent in Okarche with Grandma and Grandpa Vogt, Aunt Vanessa and Uncle Kenny, Aunt Terri and Uncle Mig, Aunt Dianna and Uncle Brenden, Uncle Tom, Uncle Bill, Cousin Garrett, Cousin Maddie, and a bunch of other people who came to visit (including Great Grandma Kretchmar). Everybody wanted to hold me at some point, so I spent a lot of time being passed like a baton. I would fall asleep with one person and wake up with another. It has been pretty crazy. So to recap, we arrived in Okarche early Thursday morning (over a day and a half ahead of schedule - wow!). That day I got to experience Eischen's chicken for the first time (it would not be the last time this trip). Eischen's is now more famous than ever, having recently been featured on the Food Network's 'Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives'. Thursday night the whole family went out to eat at a mexican restaurant. Dad said it wasn't a real mexican restaurant because they didn't have a liquor license, so they couldn't serve tequilla. But they served him and Mom some good mexican beer in margarita glasses with salt and lime, so Dad forgave them. Thursday night Mom and Dad finally got to sleep after their 29 hour marathon road-trip, so I let them sleep at least 3 hours at a time. This would be one of the last nights of the trip this would happen.

Friday was an exiciting day for Mom and Dad, but not as much for me. The State Fair of Oklahoma was winding down this weekend, so Mom and Dad took advantage of their early arrival and got some fair time in. I stayed home with Grandma Vogt (Grandpa Vogt was working - it was a weekday after all). Mom and Dad talked about what a great time they had at the fair. Dad ate a turkey's leg, and Mom had a pulled pork sandwhich. They met up with Uncle Mig, Aunt Terri, Cousin Maddie, Uncle Bill, and Uncle Bill's girlfriend Casey. Dad was impressed with her, as she was bold enough to call him out upon the first meeting. She had asked how Mom and Dad met, and Dad told her the long version, as he thought they were just relaxing. Little did he know, everyone was ready to go and waiting on Casey. "Hey Casey, you about ready?" "Yeah, just listening to the longest story of how two people met I've ever heard." Ouch, Dad! Dad's reply: "All right, we met in a bar - skidaddle!" Mom and Dad then went on about their business. And their business was pleasure. They rode some rides, including one that left one lady in need of medical attention. Then they got corndogs. Real corndogs. Forget about that crap they have in the freezer section of Wal-Mart. It may say "State Fair Corndog", but it is a lie. Do you put your corndogs in a microwave? That negates the very nature of the corndog. A real corndog is made in a deep fat frier with a midway barker hollering in the background. A real corndog is eaten amidst the sounds of screaming, dinging, buzzing, laughing, and music. it will be served next to other fried objects such as fried cheese, fried Snickers, and even fried butter. And while you're eating that real corndog, watch your step, because underfoot will be cables and puddles and maybe even some manure of some sort every once in a while. So for the first time in over five years, Mom and Dad had a real corndog! Just look at the enjoyment on their faces! Like little kids!

Friday night they went to a rehearsal dinner for Saturday's wedding, where they once again had mexican. And once again, no margarita for Dad, as there was no alcohol at the rehearsal dinner, not even wine. So after the dinner many people went out searching for some loud-mouth chowder, and Mom and Dad came home to me to spend a quiet evening alone. They shared half a bottle of wine as a celebration of new beginnings, but saved their Bacanalian revelry for the next evening.

Saturday morning was picture-taking time. The family had professional pictures taken, but I was a little hungry by the time we got to posing, so I cried a bit. Mom and Dad told me to smile, but I told them to try smiling when they were hungry (they couldn't understand what I was saying). I later found out that I didn't ruin the pictures or anything like that, which made me feel better, as I later realized that one moment of posing for a picture can last a lifetime in people's memories, while a feeding will only last for about 3 hours. I would remember this lesson for my next picture-taking session, and I've started practicing my smiling more and more. Saturday afternoon I got to meet Aunt Karen, Uncle Greg, and Cousin Lily for the first time. We met over lunch at where? You guessed it - Eischen's. I can't wait until I can eat chicken - it smells so good. I can mostly recall it from dreams, however, since I pretty much slept through both my Eischen's visits. Aunt Karen, Uncle Greg, and Cousin Lily had to leave shortly after lunch, but I would see them again at my baptism the next day. Saturday night I finally got to see what all the fuss was about with these Okarche weddings. I stayed quiet during the ceremony so I could better understand what was going on. Then after Shanna and Blake were married I got to pose for a few more pictures. Then I got to see the float. It was very similar to the hay rides they have back home around this time of year. Except that they were drinking beer and wine on this hay ride. I then got to see the reception, which was (as I had previously suspected) a big party. There was food and cake and beer and music and dancing. I met a lot of people in a short amount of time, but then I had to go home for the night with Grandma and Grandpa Vogt while Mom and Dad danced and partied the night away. I've been told Dad danced and partied a bit too much, and I suspect that is why he seemed a little quiet on Sunday.

Sunday morning I got to visit church for the first time. It is basically a group meeting in a large room where people sing and lecture about the goodness of a God named Jesus. Or maybe God and Jesus are different people. I'm rather confused about it, but the general idea is that these people are very good, and we all need to learn from them and celebrate the goodness. The singing part was pretty, but the lecture part got a little long, and I fell asleep. After church we went home for a short amount of time, and then went back to the same place for the baptism. As I was baptized they said something to me about joining Jesus' family. I wonder if Jesus' family is as big as the Vogt family? And next time I come back to Oklahoma, will I have three families to visit? Eventually I'll learn more about this church stuff. All I know now is that joining Jesus' family involves water and godparents (Uncle Mig and Aunt Vanessa). I think I also get fairy godparents at some point if the Disney movies are correct. So then we came home and had a combined celebration of my baptism and Uncle Brenden's 40th birthday. Cookie cake for all! Is it a cookie or a cake? It has frosting like cake, but if you scrape the frosting off it is pure cookie. Either way it seems quite amazing! And I got some presents, including lots of books that will help me learn more about the church stuff. I can't wait. Dad will read to me and teach me about the Bible, as well as about meditation and Eastern religious philosophy. And Mom will teach me about the Catholic church as I work my way towards something called Communion. For now I'm just happy to be fed, changed, and held on a regular basis. Spirituality will come later (although according to Dad's belief, I am possibly more in touch with my spirituality right now than most adults, as I haven't created the mental blocks that form as we learn about the world).

On Sunday I also got to meet Dad's friend Kyle and his son Aidan. Aidan liked to play catch with the football (he was much better at the throwing than the catching). I've seen kids of all ages on this visit, and I get to see what I'll probably be doing over the next months and years. It seems I'll be crawling at some point. Then I'll start forming words and walking. At that point, Mom and Dad will have what people call "a hand-full". This means that I will take more attention than currently, when Mom and Dad can lie me down in one spot and I stay put. We left Okarche on Tuesday. The last thing we did before leaving was visit Aunt Terri and Uncle Mig's new house. It is still not complete, but it won't be long now. They will be living out in the country (past the city limit sign) where the wind comes sweeping down the plain. In every direction you can see a flat horizon. This is very strange when compared to the hills of Pennsylvania, but beautiful in a completely different way.

Then it was on to Ponca City, home of Grandma and Grandpa Dunham. Cousin Lily was also there, as they were watching her for the week. Also, Gracie the Dog was there to play with Eddy the Dog. Shortly after arriving, I also got to meet Great Aunt Sandy. She was very excited about meeting me and had kisses waiting for me. Grandpa Dunham had a tractor and piles of dirt waiting for us. What do you do with a tractor and piles of dirt? You fill in a swimming pool, of course. Grandma and Grandpa had many good years of use with the pool, but now that their kids have kids, the pool was used less and less. Grandpa now wants to fill it in and install a pond and outdoor theater. That sounds pretty fun. But first comes the fun of filling in the pool. Dad got to learn how to run the tractor and took a few turns dumping some dirt. It was a little scary at first, as you had to get the wheels very close to the edge of the pool to get the dirt in. But Dad and Grandpa seemed to do alright. They spent most of the day Wednesday using the dirt, the tractor, some shovels and rakes, and a compacting device to build a ramp from the bottom of the shallow end to the lip of the pool. The ramp will later be used to get a Bobcat in and out of the pool. For now the ramp has another use (which began on Thursday evening). Wednesday evening we all went to Medford to meet Great Uncle Joe and Great Aunt Cathey, as well as Second Cousin Justin and his wife Andrea and children Dalton, Gunnar, and Ethan. Dalton and I had a conversation, although he carried all of it. Then Great Uncle Joe took pictures of Cousin Lily and I. Remember what I said about my last picture session? Well, I learned my lesson, and I was very good for this session. Once Mom and Dad get the pictures, I'll have to show you how good I was at posing.

On Thursday, Dad left the house early, and when he came back his hair was gone! I was so used to staring at his hair when he held me that I didn't know how to take this at first. Now I've realized he's still the same Dad, he just has less hair. The before and after pictures are included. Disregard the Hitler mustache in the before picture, that was Dad being silly. Why did he cut his hair? For one thing, he likes to change things from time to time. Another reason is to prepare for his Halloween costume - Godric the Vampire from True Blood. As a DJ for Jay and Hallie's Halloween party, the Godric costume will be very low key but also very cool (lots of fun tattoos). Finally, Dad said it will be nice to have low-maintenance hair for a while. Shortly after Dad got home, I got to meet Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Ebert (Grandma Dunham's parents) for the first time. They said that they already knew a lot about me because of my blog. Everywhere I go, people comment about my blog and how nice it is to be able to keep up with my adventures. I didn't realize I had such a large readership. Now that I've met so many of you in person I can finally tell you how nice it was to meet you. Also, I will continue to keep the blog up on a regular basis. You will be able to keep up with my first steps, first words, first crayola wall paintings, and even my first day of school. Hopefully the blog account won't be out of memory by then : )

Thursday night Mom and Dad went to a movie by themselves while Grandma and Grandpa Dunham watched me. They saw 'Surrogates' and said it was pretty good - an interesting comment on the online society we are currently creating for ourselves. For example, you know me from this blog, but did you realize this blog is actually a surrogate version of me as voiced by my dad? It's not actually me, but it is convincing at times. As we create great online communities, how might our ethics change? Are online personas racist? Do they commit crime? As we pour more of ourselves into our online personas, do we lose part of what makes us human? Or has humanity evolved to the point that we are now a cyborg race, indivisible from our technological extensions? These philosophical posing are best mused by firelight. So when Mom and Dad got home on the bike (oh yeah, forgot to mention, they rode to dinner and the movie on Grandpa's KZ-1000 Kawasaki - fun!) they poured some Champagne and joined Grandpa by the fire at the bottom of the deep end of the pool. Yes, that is correct. They climed down the ramp built the day before and enjoyed some Champagne at the bottom of the pool. The cool air was held back by a nice warm fire, and the wind was held back by the high walls of the deep end. Mom and Dad said it was rather surreal. It was a nice way to wrap up the last night of the Oklahoma stay.

This afternoon we hit the road again. Will we drive straight through again, another 29-hour marathon? Only time will tell. The plan right now is to stop in Memphis tonight, but plans can change. The plan on the way down was to spend the first night in Knoxville. Anyway, I guess that's it for now. That was actually quite a bit, and I had to leave a lot out. As I said, Mom and Dad usually stay quite busy while in Oklahoma. Oh, Mom wanted me to tell you she just found a brown recluse spider while packing! Oklahoma can be a dangerous place! Dad has been under attack for the last few days by these things called allergies. The allergy attacks have gotten so bad he thinks he may actually have a cold. Pretty crazy stuff. The next time I write, I will be back in Pennsylvania, where the dangers are completely different: underground coal fires, 45 degree inclines, rabid groundhogs, and winter.

Happy trails,
Azja