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Before the beginning of time, I am told, there were vast oceans of darkness. Within the murky depths of this great unknown could be heard (if there were ears to hear at the time) the nerve-shattering bellowing and gurgling of enormous primordial creatures. These creatures were made up of the base-stock of the pre-universe, and their great disappearance heralded the creation of the Great Force which coalesced to birth the cosmos we know today. In the ensuing chaos and fallout, new rules emerged and with them the formation of matter and anti-matter from pure energy. After the great Battle of Mass, matter emerged the victor and over the millions of years to follow was forged into heavier and heavier particles within the massive nuclear furnaces illuminating the cosmos – and even heavier particles still upon the explosive destruction of the most massive of stars. The dust ejected from these millions of explosions was scattered and collected countless times before a small amount pulled together in a pocket of the universe we now know as the Solar System. And one of the resulting planets happened to fall into just the right orbit with just the right combination of elements to eventually form vast seas of water in which amino acids could form and collect in just the right way for something very special to happen. Soon molecules were reacting in a way beyond mere chemistry – they were acting according to “nature”. And nature dictated that to the victor go the spoils. In this case, the spoils were longevity and adaptability for the species, and with advancements in adaptability came new creations, each absolutely amazing and unique in its own right. Then, a species emerged that became self-aware in a completely new way. This species was able to not only communicate the needs of physical reality but also concepts completely independent of reality itself. And eventually, this species found a way to pass this communication on to future generations. Now a concept realized by one could spread through entire communities, where others could build upon these concepts. When applied to the preservation of life, this created farming and the complete upheaval of the rules of nature previously established. When applied to the improvement of the quality of life technology emerged. And with each new generation, the application of technology made it easier for more people to live longer. Eventually leisure time was created, as well as entire disciplines built around discussing thought. And with the ability to think in abstraction and share these thoughts with others, bigger and bigger questions were posed and answered. And the greatest questions of all were answered with the identification of Gods. And for the first time, molecules were able to understand the concept of a creator. They could understand cause and effect relationship and combined this with everything they knew to finally understand their special place in the universe, the great end-result of ultimate creation. How ungrateful these matter particles had all been before achieving collective consciousness, to have been forged over billions of years through the expenditure of unimaginable levels of energy and to have never recognized the hand of the creator in the midst of it all! But now they knew, which they say is half the battle. The other half, which rages on to this day, is knowing the RIGHT story.
But there is something else that has escaped their collective minds. They define their world in terms of its relationship to the beginning. Everything they know is measured by something they call time (something that is ultimately as much a construct for them as unicorns and evil). And the time they understand begins with creation. But before the creation they recognize, there were others. There were the shapes in the darkness that gave way to the ultimate light. And as I said before, these creatures were made of different stuff. It was not the stuff of matter and energy discussed in the realm of physics and chemistry. There are no instruments available to measure this stuff, no detectors to sense it. The most advanced species on the planet is still only on the verge of having minds powerful enough to reach out and touch it. Every once in a while some can feel it. And it did not all pass away in the searing heat of the birth of the cosmos. Some of the most ancient and enormous vessels made the transition. And when the great architect laid out the plans for His new house, the living room was built around the ancient ones. For they contained a power far greater than the E of Einstein’s famous formula. It is an energy that could not be used to power a city or vehicle or even a light bulb. But it is powerful enough to destroy all those things or simply make them no longer matter. He created new beings of the stuff, but they were limited in power, being confined to the rules of this cosmos. Throughout time man has encountered them and written of their amazing encounters. Angels to some, daemons to others, and even fairies and spirits from time to time. But to encounter one of the ancients would not be celebrated as fantastic. It would completely strip the mind of relevance, cutting free the anchor to reality. Mystics through the ages have tapped into this power, understanding it as God. But God is the stream bed, and God is the water. They feel the force of the current and mistake it for God, not realizing the true nature of the current and the danger it poses should they allow themselves to be swept downstream. As I said before, God constructed man around the ancients, and we all have some of the ancients within us, just as we are all made up of stardust. And just as we cannot collapse ourselves and reignite into stars, we also cannot vibrate on the frequency of the ancients and speak in their bellowing tongue. Until now.
After my last blog post I took a long nap. I had a very long dream. It began with the vision of a flame in the darkness, and I was immediately gripped by the sensation that I was being visited by the visions of Poemandres described by Hermes Trismegistis. But then I realized the flame wasn’t supposed to be the object of my focus. It was instead supposed to illuminate something else. The flame had appeared suddenly, and it took my eyes some time to adjust. At first all I could see was darkness spotted with the greenish after-image of the flame. Then I began to notice movement. To say that I saw the movement would not be an accurate way of describing it, and I now realize that the flame was illumination for more than my eyes. The movement was felt or sensed almost like feeling the vibration of deep bass at a rock concert. But it wasn’t created by air or sensed by my body. It was in my head, and I was suddenly struck with fear in the same way a small rodent must tremble in the presence of a housecat. The movement I felt was on an enormous scale, and I knew it was directed at me. Picture the sun growing a face and then speaking your name and you may get a sense of the disorienting fear that filled me. I felt a large mouth slowly open, and I reacted instinctively. I ran. But I was still in the midst of not only darkness, but nothingness. So running was irrelevant. So the very next thing that I did was softly shush the large mouth. My mom and dad do it to me all the time when putting me to sleep: “shh shh shh shh shh,” ever so softly. And it just came to me to do the same. Only I found myself unable to open my mouth. Instead, I sort of sent it out as a broadcast from my mind. And the movement stopped! There was nothing but stillness and silence for what seemed like forever. I was afraid to move a muscle, thinking perhaps this…thing was waiting for a twitch or a sound to pounce. Then out in the darkness I heard the echoing of giant door unlocking. And then – snap! – blinding light! I tried to shut it out, but my eyelids no longer seemed to matter. I then realized that the light wasn’t harsh. It was the brightest thing I’d ever experienced, but it didn’t hurt. I decided to look around but found that I could no longer remember what that meant. It was like I existed in a place, but I had no body as I’d always understood it. And then the air around me began to sing. It felt like being inside the fuzz of the TV, if the TV fuzz was beautiful rather than annoying. I realized that the song was actually a conversation. But it wasn’t like opera or a musical, where people are singing conversations that were normally spoken. This was like the language that was being spoken actually was song. There was no way to speak the language without melody and harmony and a chorus. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard! And I realized the song was directed at me. “How were you able to silence the ancient, child?”
“I told it to go to sleep – that there are no worries,” I responded, finding myself naturally speaking the language with my mouth that wasn’t there.
“Were you not filled with fear?”
“Yes. I was afraid, but I didn’t know what else to do,” I shrugged with shoulders that no longer existed.
“Who taught you the language of the ancients?”
“My mommy and daddy, I guess,” I responded, wondering whether or not I knew it before hearing the sounds from them.
“If we return you to them, will you help us?”
“How will I be able to help you?”
“I told it to go to sleep – that there are no worries,” I responded, finding myself naturally speaking the language with my mouth that wasn’t there.
“Were you not filled with fear?”
“Yes. I was afraid, but I didn’t know what else to do,” I shrugged with shoulders that no longer existed.
“Who taught you the language of the ancients?”
“My mommy and daddy, I guess,” I responded, wondering whether or not I knew it before hearing the sounds from them.
“If we return you to them, will you help us?”
“How will I be able to help you?”
The voices then told me a long tale about how they have coexisted with the ancients without issue, having been created from the same stuff, until recently. With the increasing awareness, however, of mankind, the ancients have begun to stir. The more they stir, the more they are sensed by man, and the closer mankind gets to wielding the ultimate power. One of the first things man created when he realized his power of abstraction was a hungry being that lived inside him. The being fed on praise, admiration, and power, and in return gave man the ability to make his life easier. He gave man the ability to exert greater and greater control over his environment, and all he asked was that man continue to feed him by fighting for that control. To protect himself from harm, the being disguised himself as man himself. So when man waged war for control of other men or for wealth or even for the claim of having the right ideas, he had no idea that he was doing it to feed the being inside him, a being who, ironically enough, he had created. The being has been brought to light recently, some call him ego, some call him self, and some even call him Satan. But he has been here so long that even after recognizing he’s there, he is almost impossible to remove. And because of this, anything of great power is extremely dangerous. Mankind will ultimately use it as a tool to gain more power, even if it means gaining power over God Himself! When God created man, He gave man the power of creation. He wanted man to not only understand how special it was to occupy his place in the cosmos but also to feel a kinship with God. It wasn’t enough for God to make matter self-aware, He wanted to complete the circle by having matter want to be part of the source. But this came with a price. Man created this being within himself that became more important than God. We know the story today as The Fall of Man, which was essentially a metaphor man created to mask the truth about his new internal god. But for God, this story represents the moment He knew for sure how it would all turn out. Man would grow in power until he eventually became aware of the ancients. Generations of men would lose their minds in the encounter, but eventually man would be able to control the ancients. While God is inherently more powerful than man, the collective creation power of mankind has created one of the most powerful forces in existence: belief. And when belief is harnessed by enough people, it can, as they say, literally move mountains. Or turn the power of the ancients against the ultimate energy of the cosmos. In other words, the created can eventually grow to destroy the creator. But God is more than a creator. God is the foundation, and the house, and the furniture, and the air. God created all, but God is all. If mankind came to control God, the entire cosmos would be destroyed. God sent messengers in the past to try to prevent this. They each taught the same message: reject the god you created within yourselves, do not pursue the things of this world, as they only feed this inner god, and above all love each other rather than trying to control each other. And these messengers became very important to large groups of people. They developed rules to help them adopt what they thought were the messages they were given. But these rules were then used to control each other, and the message turned against itself. Wars were soon fought over who had the right message. God stopped sending messengers, as He didn’t want to make the problem worse, but this only bolstered each group's claims that their message was right, and as time passes the anticipation builds towards what man perceives as the time of judgment. The irony is that mankind has continually paved the path toward the great cosmic ending through his continual feeding of the internal god with pursuit of power and control. The only hope now is that enough people will appear with the ability to influence the ancients but the knowledge to reject their internal god. And they think I am one of those special ones. All I have to do is remember what I have learned.
So I agreed, and I was sent back to help fight the war against annihilation. To mommy and daddy, it was a 30 minute nap. To me, however, it was almost a lifetime of education and training. And I was pretty exhausted. So I took a little time off the blog to recoop.
Since April (that’s when this all took place), I’ve been pretty busy. I’m standing up very easily now and can even walk, though I usually refuse to do so. I went from drinking from a bottle to drinking from a cup. I went to Chicago with Grandma and Grandpa Dunham and Uncle Greg and Aunt Karen and Cousin Lily (and Mom and Dad of course).
I went to Scranton and saw some trains with Grandpa Dunham.
I also went back up to the Scranton area to go to Ryan Edmison's wedding (where I whistled and clapped during the service and got to meet Devon Byrd - one of Dad's Little Brothers in the Kappa Sigma fraternity). I traveled to Ft. Worth with Mom to visit Jayme and Brian and Leila. Grandma and Grandpa Vogt came to Pennsylvania for a visit. I became a fan of World Cup Soccer (although neither of my teams – Mexico or USA – won).
I went to Moon Lake with Jay and Hallie (I’m told this was my second trip – my first trip was in Mom’s belly).
Grandma and Grandpa Dunham came to Pennsylvania for a visit. I took up hiking with Mom as a hobby.
I went to Oklahoma with Mom to meet my new cousins Jacob and Arron and visit with family I haven’t seen in a while (all my Grandmas and Grandpas, cousins Maddie, Garrett, and Lily, Aunts Vanessa, Dianna, Teri, and Karen, and Uncles Tom, Bill, Mig, Brenden, and Kenny). I also did some paranormal investigating with Grandpa Dunham at Fort Mifflin in Philadelphia (and I got to ride on the hotel luggage cart and eat my first crab leg!).
And finally, I’ve even tried my hand at turntablism! Daddy’s little DJ.
What’s next for me? I don’t know, but when I turn one at the end of the month I think things will really open up for me. See you soon.
Azja
P.S.: If you get a chance, check out the movie 'Inception'. It is awesome! I saw it at the drive-in with Mom and Dad. We also saw Toy Story 3, but guess which movie I was still thinking about the next week? Gave me some pretty interesting dreams. Although not as interesting as the dream I wrote about above that I had after watching 'Revolver' with Dad and being read to sleep by one of his philosophy books. Hopefully Dad will still get to transcribe my blogs after this one. Mom said it might have gotten a little out of hand.
